Dear Gabby,

For quite some time, a guy named Rob has had a crush on me. This is not a mutual attraction to say the least, and although I’ve told him as gracefully as I can that we can only be friends, he has persisted. About two months ago, I met a guy that I really like at the gym. We have talked there many times and finally he asked me out. I was so excited awaiting the date, but on the very day we were to go out, he called me and told me he would not be able to date me at all, ever, because he learned that Rob was interested in me. I had no idea the two were friends. I assured him that I have made it plain to Rob that there’s no hope for us, but that didn’t seem to matter. Needless to say, I am very upset. I really wanted to go out with that guy but now I hardly ever see him at the gym – I think he changed his workout time because of this – and the couple of times we have seen each other, he turns the other way. What can I do?

“Robbed” in Rockford

Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act. Psalm 37:7

 

Dear Robbed,

This is clearly a sticky situation – so sticky that Gabby had to sleep on this one. After tossing and turning each option around, this is what Gabby woke up thinking: Patience, Girlfriend! We are told in Psalms, “Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act.” You may think this passage is pretty lame in our progressive, “go-for-it” culture. After all, we’re the captains of our own destiny, aren’t we? But the truth is that God is already at work in your situation.

So Rob has a crush on you which you have tried to stall. But human nature being what it is, crushes can be like a case of prickly heat in August – they can take a while to burn themselves out. And if they are unrequited – phew – break out the Gold Bond!

Let’s figure this out: You have a crush on Rob’s friend and Rob’s friend potentially has a crush on you. But the pivotal point here is that Rob’s friend is doing something extremely decent: He is putting his friendship with Rob above a possible fling. This makes him good boyfriend material. Possibly GREAT boyfriend material. With so much at stake, if this relationship is going to go anywhere, it’s going to go on God’s terms.

Therefore, Gabby suggests you put your best face on, put your best foot forward and best move on. Continue to speak kindly, but not encouragingly, to Rob. Avoid lovesick pining over Rob’s friend. You will find that the heart is a very resilient muscle. Eventually Rob will get the message and fix his attention elsewhere. Then, after a time, Rob’s friend will be free to pursue a relationship with you without guilt. But if the heat between you has faded when you’re finally free to fan the flame, consider it a good thing. Maybe this friendship between Rob and his friend is meant to last a lifetime and your role is just part of a test of the friendship. Maybe God is protecting you from things unknown; maybe He is saving you for much better. God created the world in six days, but that doesn’t mean He’s in a hurry. He may very well want you to wait. Let’s see how you do with this test!