Most Accurate Horoscope EVER!

By Bryan Hupperts

Aries • March 21 ·April 19

You are under the first sign of the Zodiac, which represents a new beginning, and man, you need a new beginning. If you’ll surrender your heart to Jesus, instead of being ruled by the war planet, you’ll be loved by the living God. “If any person be in Christ, they become a new creation…” And the ram you wonder about is a picture of Jesus, the Lamb of God, who was slain at the Cross for your sins.

Taurus • April 20 · May 20

You are under the sign of the bull with good reason. Everything you have ever trusted has turned out to be so much bull that neither lasts nor satisfies. How about repenting before God and coming under the sign of the Cross? There’s healing and rest for your weary soul. God will give you so much genuine peace that you’ll finally be welcomed to all kinds of places—even in China shops!

Gemini • May 21 · June 21

It’s not your “twin nature” that’s been your problem; it’s your double mindedness. “Let not the double minded man think that he shall receive anything from the Lord.” (James 1: 7). You need to be pieced together from the inside. It sure beats being “beside yourself.” Give Jesus your split personality and broken heart and allow him to make you the whole person that God destined you to be.

Cancer • June 22 · July 22

You were born under the sign of the crab, which is great if you are seafood. God has greater plans than this for you but you’ll have to dump the “it’s my way or the highway” attitude and humble yourself like a little child before God. If you’ll do this, and confess the Lordship of Jesus, you’ll get a new nature and the name Christian instead of Cancer, which is a bummer of a name anyway!

Leo • July 23 · Aug. 22

Your symbols are the sun and the lion. The problem is that you’re earthly minded and have missed out that you’re supposed to love the Son of God who is also the Lion of the tribe of Judah. He’s coming back in triumph for all those who love his appearing, but it will be an especially bad day for those who don’t. Get off the fence Leo and chose this day whom you will serve. Jesus is alone Lord of all!

Virgo • Aug 23 · Sept. 22

You were born under the symbol of a virgin with grain in her hand. Jesus was born of a virgin named Mary (who later had other kids by her husband Joseph). The grain is a picture of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Jesus said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” (John 12:24). That is a picture of his crucifixion, death, and overcoming resurrection from the dead. Want to live forever? He offers eternal life to whosoever will believe upon his name.

Libra • Sept. 23 · Oct. 23

You were born under the sign of the balancing scales and your life has been a balancing act. Sooner or later, unless you utterly turn from the sin that is killing you, the scales will not weigh in your favor and you’ll fall into an eternal devil’s hell. Let the blood of Jesus wipe away your sins and you’ll be forever forgiven. The demands of justice were met when Jesus died on the Cross. Jesus paid the price for your sins if you’ll only believe in Him.

Scorpio • Oct. 24 · Nov. 21

You got stuck with being born under the sign of the deadly scorpion. It’s a picture of your inherent sin nature with the sting of death waiting to finally end your earthly existence. The Good News is that if you’ll call upon Jesus, his blood will take the sting of sin away from you and you’ll become a beloved child of the living God.

Sagittarius • Nov. 22 · Dec. 21

You were born under the symbol of the Archer. You get stuck with the fiery arrows of the evil one that bum mercilessly inside your head and make you think you’re going crazy. Nope, you’re just blinded by sin. Put on Christ, and the full armor of God, and you’ll be able to stand against the evil one who keeps shooting his deadly arrows at you. What a choice, a walking target for the devil, or a wholly loved and accepted born-again child of God. Make the wise choice!

Capricorn • Dec. 22 · Jan. 19

You were born under the sign of the goat. Jesus is going to have his warrior angels separate the sheep from the goats at the end of the age—and it’s not looking too good for the goats. You can repent from sin and get a new heart, a new nature, and have your goat level upgraded to sheep status right now if you’ll simply trust Jesus.

Aquarius • Jan. 20 · Feb. 18

Darwin feet, thank you!? That’s an old symbol for the Greek name of Jesus Christ, and he’s the one you’re searching through the stars for. The stars you worship are his creation and he’s got bigger plans for you than merely worshiping large balls of burning gas suspended in space. Call upon the name of Lord and be saved.

To those who seek guidance from the stars,

Remember the Christmas story? Wise men followed the star, and it led them right to Jesus! They entered his presence and worshipped him. What sign you are born under isn’t as important as being born again under the sign of the Cross. Heed the warning in Matthew 24:29: “Immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken.” But he who believes on the Son of God will have everlasting life!


This article was adapted from a SheepTrax Ministries tract.

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