By Tara White
“Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” I was young and foolish and didn’t realize that lies cost a lot to maintain, but the “truth” is free.
If I had only known then the things that I know now concerning sex, marriage and relationships, there are so many things that I would have done differently. My mother warned me time after time about saving myself for marriage, but I allowed my hormones, my feelings and my lust of the flesh to take control and dominate my thoughts as well as my actions.
Every so often my mother would ask me, “Are you having sex?” I would look her straight in the eye and tell her, “No Mom, I’m not having sex!” I was so afraid of “coming clean” with my parents about the fact that I was sexually active. The number one reason was that I thought my dad would kill me, and number two, I didn’t want to break my mom’s heart, because that’s exactly what I felt it would do to her. I didn’t want my parents to think differently about me.
When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden by eating the forbidden fruit and realized they were naked, they attempted to hide from God. God called upon Adam, and Adam was ashamed because of his disobedience. God didn’t have to call upon Adam to ask where he was. He is all-seeing and all-knowing, and knew exactly where Adam was the entire time, but because of sin, their fellowship had been broken, and Adam followed his fleshy instinct and later attempted to cover his sin.
I felt like my mom knew exactly what was going on with me. I distanced myself from her as much as I could, in attempts to cover my sin, so that I wouldn’t have to face my own deceit. I felt as though I had a mark on me that people could see, revealing to everyone that I was no longer pure.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that the thing I desired so much, thought I couldn’t live without, and relentlessly chased after, was the very thing that I would end up despising. Little did I know that as a result of my disobedience, my life would take twists and turns that I never imagined.
I thought I was in love, when in actuality it was nothing more than lust. The enemy dangled the treat in front of my face, and I fell for the bait. Unknowingly, I had allowed myself to be tied and tangled up in ungodly soul ties!!
The definition of a “soul-tie” in short, is when the two become one.
In the ideal biblical sense, two become one when they are a married couple. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and be joined unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31). That’s a “godly soul-tie.”
An “ungodly soul- tie” is when two people are connected by an invisible link in the soulish realm. This tie occurs through sexual intercourse between two people who are not married. The dangerous thing about an ungodly soul-tie is that many young women don’t know about it, but they realize that something is wrong with them. They have sexual relations, and find that they are gravitating to these men who have some type of “uncontrollable pull” over them, a pull they just can’t seem to shake!
This is exactly where I found myself because I never stopped to realize who I really was.
I chronicled my experiences in my book Don’t Curse Your Wedding Bed Before You Say I Do. In it, I discuss how family dynamics, social and cultural influences, personal life events, painful childhood experiences and divine intervention all interrelate and can impact a marriage and relationships in general. There are two ways to learn something: from experience and from the experience of others. And when it comes to your precious married future, wouldn’t you prefer to learn about mistakes from someone else’s experience?
Tara White is a gifted motivational speaker with a passion to inspire young girls to make good decisions, identify and release their potential. Visit her on the Web at WeddingBed.net.
Don’t Curse Your Wedding Bed Before You Say I Do by Tara White, © 2010 Word Publishers,
ISBN 978-0981983721, $15.00 paperback, 145 pp.