What’s Wrong with the Thong

By Gwen Schumaker and Donna Lee Schillinger

“Make linen undergarments as a covering for the body, reaching from the waist to the thigh.” Ex. 28:42 NIV

Fashion DIVinA on assignment here in Brazil! Tudo bem! Fashion in Brazil is drastically different than in the United States. Notably, it includes a lot of black spandex! I can actually abide that, but one renowned Brazilian fashion that gives me considerable pause is… the thong.

Far from the passing fad I hoped it might be, the thong has invaded the rest of the world and it appears to be here to stay. I really wonder about this, mainly because I think thongs are gross and I imagine they wouldn’t be very comfortable. My gut reaction when contemplating the thong is “Ew, gross! Ouch!” and “Who would want to wear that?” I also tend to squirm in my seat just thinking about wearing a thong.

I have heard some people try to defend the thong by saying it solves the problem of embarrassing panty lines. To that, I might respond, so does wearing loose fitting clothing. And a host of other undies are specifically designed to minimize the panty line.

Some say they are comfortable. Yea! For someone who enjoys a wedgy, also known as a snuggie, grundie, gotch pull, or Mervin, according to Wikipedia. Do any of those conditions sound appealing to you?

Let’s say for argument’s sake though that there are some girls out there who genuinely feel better with a “snuggie,” – maybe it makes them feel more secure or something – if that’s not what’s wrong with the thong, then what is?

Well, if you think for a second that the Being that created every cell in your body and has every hair on your head numbered might not care about what you’re wearing on your backside, you would be quite mistaken. Proving the point, is one of a couple of scriptures where God describes His choice, His mandate really, of underwear – in this case for the priests in Old Testament times. Yep, God’s a boxer man! No whitey-tighties for our Lord. He likes the extended variety too – from waist to thigh.

Though these instructions were for priests, it’s not far-fetched to generalize that our Heavenly Father prefers a modest choice of underwear for all His children – after all, we’re are priests under the New Covenant.

Maybe you say, “No one is going to see me in my thong.” Well, let’s hope not, but you know, your Heavenly Father is looking. God made our wonderful bodies and it’s not shameful to even be naked in front of Him, so we don’t need to worry about whether He sees our butt cheeks. But you know what? When God sees us in a thong, I don’t think He’s checking out our butt. I think what He’s looking at, and frowning on, is our heart.

Why did we have to choose this underwear? What were our real motives for purchasing a purple paisley thong? Was the choice made strictly in deference to our preference for that snuggie feeling? Or was there even the most subtle of desires to look sexy and feel sexy – even if no one else knows it. If that motive was even the smallest part of our choice that would be what’s wrong with the thong. For that matter, it doesn’t have to be a thong that makes us feel sexy. I know it’s hard to find plain Jane underwear on the market today, and I’m not suggesting that white cotton granny pants is the only choice God approves of. My point is that our underwear choices, as our clothing choices in general, should be made with a pure heart, not with an eye to what will make us look or feel hot.

When I put deodorant on in the morning, I’m putting on more than just a product, I’m putting on an assurance that gives me confidence all day long that I don’t stink! When I put on an awesome new shirt in the color that really compliments my eyes, I’m not just covering up my top half, I’m adding a measure of self-confidence to my day; I look and feel good. How about when I put on a thong, what I am putting on besides a small triangular panel of flimsy material held together at the points by a ribbon? Am I putting on a sexy feeling that will give me an air of sensuality all day long or worse, on that important date? If so, that’s what’s wrong with the thong.

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