Whoa, now! Keep yur shirt on – I’m talkin’ about dippin’ chips in some healthy concoctions! I’m about to throw at ya five delish dips that you can make in a skinny minute and every dern one of ‘em is a whole heap more healthy than anythin’ you might buy in the dangerous dip section of your local grocer. First of all, these dips aren’t loaded with fat – well, except for one, but even that one is loaded with good fat. Secondly, these dips are made fresh with no ingredients created by some pimply professor with unwieldy facial hair in a white lab coat! Each of the ingredients in these here dips were created by the Creator Himself. As always, the recipes are for one person (on a budget), so if yur makin’ this for a soiree or something, better double, triple or even quadruple the recipe. Now make yurself a batch of corn tortilla chips (recipe below) or if yur feelin’ exotic, baked plantain chips, and dive in (with yur clothes on, pleeze)!

Homemade Tortilla Chips

Let’s start with the chips, cuz you’ll want to get those in the oven so they can be bakin’ while yur makin’ yur favorite dip. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Stack three corn tortilla chip on a cuttin’ board and cut ‘em into 8ths (that’s four cuts across the center for the mathematically challenged!). Spread the tortilla triangles out on a cookie sheet then spray cookin’ spray lightly over all of em’. Now flip ‘em and spray the other sides too. Stick ‘em in the over for 10 minutes, then flip ‘em, then bake ‘em for a few minutes more. Warning: Do not leave the kitchen! Nothin’ is easier to burn then a batch of homemade tortillas chips. You want to pull the chips out of the oven just as they’re gettin’ lightly browned. And yur gonna have to watch ‘em like a hawk because the time between lightly browned and crispy charred is approximately 90 seconds. They say a watched pot never boils, but a watched pan of tortilla chips never burns either. Just out of the oven, sprinkle the chips with salt or yur favorite salt substitute and let ‘em cool for about 3 minutes.

Creamy Avacado Dip

• ½ ripe avocado
• 2 tablespoons light sour cream
• Salt and white pepper to taste

Cut yur avocado in half, remove the pit (duh!), put one half in a plastic baggie in the fridge for another occasion and scoop out the green stuff from the other half, removin’ any brown or gray spots. Mash the avocado in a small bowl with a fork until smooth. Stir in the sour cream and salt and pepper and yur ready to dip. Whaddya think? I told you these were quick to make!

Chunky Mater Dip

• 8 cherry tomatoes chopped in quarters
• 1 tablespoon of chopped cilantro
• 1 tablespoon of red onion
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 1 tablespoon minced jalapeño
• Salt, pepper and cumin to taste

Yur gonna have leftovers of every one of these ingredients, but the good news is that they’ll all keep in the fridge for a least a week – and the red onion, lime juice and jalapeño will last a heck of a lot longer than that. Wash yur maters and cilantro beforehand, then add all these ingredients in a dish and mix. Arriba, arriba! Let’s eat!

Black Bean Feta Fiesta Dip

• ½ can of black beans, drained
• 1 oz. crumbled feta cheese
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
• 1 tablespoon of red onion
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 1 tablespoon minced jalapeño
• Salt, pepper and cumin to taste

You might recognize the second half of this recipe – if you don’t, you might have Alzhiemer’s! It’s the same dang ingredients as the Chunky Mater Dip! Thought I’d give ya another option for all those leftover ingredients. And yet the black beans and feta are gonna make this seem like a whole new dip. Mash the drained black beans with a fork (you don’t need to cook them, they’re already cooked). You don’t have to make a smooth paste out of the beans, just mash ‘em enough so they stick together. Now stir in the rest of the ingredients and we’re eating, we’re eating…

White Bean Dip

• ½ can of navy or cannellini beans, drained, but reserve a ¼ cup liquid
• 1 clove pressed or minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
• 1 tablespoon of red onion
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 1 tablespoon minced jalapeño
• Salt, pepper and cumin to taste

OK, this is just gettin’ to be funny how we keep usin’ those same dang ingredients! But honestly, girls, this is goin’ to seem like a whole new dip too. In fact, these dips are so diverse that if yur throwin’ a party, you can make all three of them, put ‘em side by side and I’ll guarandadgumteeya nobody will come up to you say, “Do all three of these dips have cilantro, red onion, lime juice, and jalapeño in em?” Or yur money back, girls! Now I bet you can guess what to do on this: mash the white beans, except this time, you do want to make a smooth paste out of them. So if you have some kind of small blender or food processor, through ‘em in there with just enough bean juice to make a smooth paste. While yur at it, chop yur garlic and throw it in with the beans, that’ll distribute it better than just stirrin’ in pressed garlic. If yur low-tech, use a potato masher or the back of a fork to make the bean paste. Now stir in the rest of the ingredients and again, we’re eating, we’re eating…

And last but not least for you weanies who don’t like beans…

Creamy Dip-Lover’s Healthy Chois

• ½ cup light sour cream
• ¼ cup chopped spinach
• 5 black olives, chopped
• 1 tablespoon chopped jalapeño

Yes, I know I misspelled “choice”; I ain’t ignernt! But do you know what kind of a hornet’s nest I could get in for sayin’ healthy choice? Oops! Oh well. Unless yur plannin’ a spinach salad for dinner, I recommend usin’ thawed, frozen chopped spinach – with ever last drop of the water pressed out it – because you can save the rest of the spinach in the freezer. Don’t go buyin’ a whole bunch of fresh spinach just for this dip. The rest of the ingredients keep for a long dern time, so don’t fret about buyin’ a can of olives for five and a jar of peppers for a tablespoon. As for the preparation, you know the drill by now, mix and devour. But wait! I actually prefer this dip on some whole grain crackers rather than tortillas chips. OK, now, we’re eating, we’re eating…